Redeemed Woman

You are the first one to taste the fruit of your husband’s spiritual life (Galatians 5:22-23). Everything from how he handles stress to how he spends his money to how he treats you are evidences of how he relates to God. Although you are not your husband’s savior nor are you responsible for his actions, as your husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18), God has placed you perfectly in his life to help him grow spiritually. Below are the five principles that I wished someone would have shared with me during my earlier years of marriage and ministry.

1. Keep your own spiritual life healthy.

You need to make sure that you are growing in the Lord with sincere, humble faith. You do not want to have a hypocritical or self-righteous or spiritually prideful attitude (Luke 6:37-42; Galatians 6:1-5). Remember the Lord’s dealings with you (Matthew 5:7; John 15:12-13; Colossians 3:13); be merciful and gracious in your comments and actions toward your husband as he will also be tasting your spiritual fruits.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

1 Peter 3:1-2 (ESV)

Your actions will speak louder than words. Let him see how the Lord is sanctifying you.

2. Pray for his salvation and fellowship with God, not just for behavioral modifications.

Keep your eyes on the greater need: your husband’s eternal salvation through faith in Jesus Christ and his fellowship with God. For example, he may have a drinking problem that is causing havoc in your marriage and family life. Yes, pray for that specifically. But most importantly, pray for his salvation and fellowship with God. His drinking is only a symptom of slavery to sin which is the deeper issue and greater need.

Remember that your husband, like you, is also a sinner who needs a total heart transformation. Ask the Father to occupy his heart with the Holy Spirit through faith in Jesus, and his heart will be made new (John 3:3-8; John 16:8-11).

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

Is he already saved but has backslidden and lost his way? Plead that the Lord will forgive him. Pray that the Lord will draw your husband back to Himself. Is he doing great with the Lord? Thank the Lord and pray for endurance and spiritual protection that his fellowship with the Lord will not be broken.

3. Keep Jesus at the center of your marriage and home.

Mention Jesus as often as and wherever you can. I do not mean for you to mindlessly repeat the name of Jesus as if it were some mystical magic but, rather, intentionally “preaching” the gospel in your home. Are things going great? Verbally praise Jesus for His blessings and care in your husband’s presence. Are things falling apart? Verbally express your hope and faith that Jesus will carry you both through those trials. Have your Bible reading time at the dinner table and, perhaps, read out loud to yourself. Hang scripture around your home as home decor. Listen to Christian music or preaching out loud as you do house chores. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 As far as it depends on you, make Jesus known in your home.

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.

Romans 10:17 (ESV)

4. Stop trying to fix him.

I can not stress this point enough. This is so hard for us ladies because we have a need to be in control (Genesis 3:16). You must put your faith in God that He hears your prayers in Jesus’ Name. Cast your concerns about your husband at the Lord’s feet and be at peace (Philippians 4:6-7). Rest in the Lord’s sovereignty and faithfulness. Less nagging, less complaining, less comparing and more praying (Matthew 7:7-11). Give him encouragement and praise for the good that he is already doing and his strengths, but hold your criticism and lay them at God’s feet instead. If the Lord opens his heart and he asks for your criticism or thoughts, then offer with love and grace. God is always doing His work although we may not be seeing it. As the Lord is doing His work in your heart, He is doing His work in your husband’s heart.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 

Romans 8:28-29 (ESV)

5. Let your husband hear your loving pleads on his behalf before the Lord. Pray with him.

Depending on how spiritually mature your husband is will depend on how you pray with him. As the Lord gives you opportunity, ask to pray with him. If your husband is a non-believer, you may want to keep your prayers short. Praying is a very spiritual activity that not only brings both your hearts before the Lord, but will show him that you truly do care for his spiritual well-being. Also, not that you think you are superior or that he is insufficient, but that at the foot of the cross, we all need God’s help to have faith and pursue righteousness. If he is already a believer, it will be a great encouragement to him. (James 5:15-17)

…casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 

1 Peter 5:7 (ESV)

Every man is different, but every wife is placed as a “fit” helper. No matter what weaknesses or challenges your husband faces, the end goal for the Christian wife is the same: “I want my husband to know and love God, to be more and more like Jesus every day.” It no longer becomes what you think he should be like or what you think he should do, but you surrender him to the Lord’s will.

Be encouraged, my sister. Wait for the Lord patiently. You may not be able to change his heart, but God can. May the Lord open our eyes to His ways and lift our burdens!