Redeemed Woman

“Do not deprive one another…”

1 Corinthians 7:5 (ESV)

One area of life constantly under attack by Satan is the Christian’s sex life. Whether someone is a single Christian or a married Christian, Satan will bring temptations in order to destroy the Christian testimony with sexual sins. Christians can be lured into sexual sins by uncontrolled sexual desires (James 1:14-15). Also, Jesus said that sexual sins are rooted in the heart (Matthew 15:19). This kind of sin, in my opinion, is the hardest for a Christian to overcome, mainly because it can be such a shameful and secretive sin. As with any sin, only the redemptive and sanctifying work of our Savior God can free us.

Part of that redemptive work is transforming the Christian’s convictions and understanding about sex. God created humans to be sexual beings. As part of God’s design within the context of marriage between a husband and wife, sex is a good thing (Genesis 2:24-25). It is the expression of a “oneness” upon which family is built, and God’s command being obeyed (Genesis 1:28; Genesis 2:23-24; Genesis 4:1). However, any sexual activity outside of God’s design is considered sexual immorality and sin (Leviticus 20:10-21; Deuteronomy 22:13-30; Matthew 5:27-28; 1 Corinthians 7:2). Paul instructs us to “flee from sexual immorality” because unlike other sins, “a sexually immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

In terms of encountering sexual temptations, the Bible states that sex within the context of marriage is a way to avoid those temptations (1 Corinthians 7:2, 9, 36-37). I want to prayerfully share with you my reflections on 1 Corinthians 7:5.

“do not deprive one another…”

Paul prefaces verse 5 by saying in verses 3 and 4, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

You were created and placed in marriage by God to satisfy your husband’s most intimate needs. You both are God’s exclusive gifts to each other. No other woman has the right and authority to take your husband’s body except you. Likewise, only your husband has the right and authority to take your body.

Paul warns us that “because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2)”. Depriving or withholding sex from your husband can set him up for temptations. Though he is ultimately responsible for his own sins, you are placed in his life by God to love, care, and help him. You both are one flesh. It is no wonder that a husband’s sexual sins will destroy and crush his wife’s heart the most.

“…except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer…”

In order to have an agreement to abstain from sex, it is implied here that there must first be a conversation between the husband and wife. Talking about sex between husband and wife may be hard for some couples, but it is probably one of the most significant topics that a couple can discuss. After all, sex is the activity designed for married life. Couples can learn to discuss their sex life while extending grace, love, and kindness to each other by remembering that sex was specifically gifted to them exclusively for each other by God and redeemed by Jesus to glorify God.

Also, couples will go through different seasons that can affect their sex life – such as illness or physiological obstacles, physical separation, stressful life circumstances, etc. During such times, couples may fast and pray to draw near the Lord. Devoting oneself in prayer to the Lord is the only circumstance where abstaining from sex between husband and wife is permissible according to this Scripture. And even then, this time frame should be agreed on and limited. If we find ourselves in inevitable situations where we are separated from our husbands for a prolonged period of time, one thing is for sure…we must pray for ourselves and our husbands to keep our minds and marriage beds pure!

“…but then come together again, so that satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Anytime there is a lack of intimacy between husband and wife, we can be sure that Satan will use it to his advantage to hurt our Christian testimony. It is interesting that Paul would mention the “lack of self-control” which he does also later in verse 9. It is clear that not having control over sexual desires and passions will open doors for Satan’s temptations which can lead us to sin. Couples should pray for sexual self-control, especially when they are apart.

As wives, we can know our husbands’ level of sexual desires and passions. Most wives have a sense of their husbands’ ability to control such desires and can pretty much gauge if he is getting frustrated and, therefore, open to sexual temptations. The word of God says here, “come together again”. Do not let Satan have your husband.

conclusion

Sex involves our mortal bodies, but it is not merely a physical and temporal matter. Our bodies are redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ to be temples of His Holy Spirit and bring Him glory (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Paul writes that “the body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body” (1 Corinthians 6:13b). In fact, God will one day glorify Himself by resurrecting our bodies by His power just as He rose Jesus bodily from the grave to overcome sin and death (1 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 15; 1 Thessalonians 4:16). Furthermore, Christians are being wholly sanctified by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:13; 1 Thessalonians 5:23).

For the single ladies out there struggling with sexual temptations, there are a few important points we can glean from this passage of Scripture. First, pray earnestly and daily for self-control (1 Corinthians 7:2, 9, 36-37). Cling unto Jesus and ask for protection, mercy, and help from the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 10:13). Part of this, is to “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Do not put yourself in temptation’s way. Second, seriously seek to be married (1 Corinthians 7:9). This is not to say that sex with your husband should be viewed as only an outlet for your sexual desires. In marriage, there is a covenant, a commitment where love is more than sex and sex is more than just a physical act. Pray for a husband and have others pray for you as well. Third, if you have no one to marry, pray more earnestly for self-control as you wait on the Lord remembering that it is the lack of self-control which leads to temptations.

Dear sister, consider all the above and be aware that Satan wars against our Christian testimony through temptations for sexual immorality. In other words, your marriage sex life matters and is grounds for spiritual warfare. May the Lord transform our minds and give us understanding on how to help our husbands avoid sexual temptations. Lord, help us to extend grace and mercy to our husbands by the giving of ourselves! Open our eyes to Your ways and lift our burdens!

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:5 (ESV)

***Important Side Note: Sexual sins will deeply pain us in our marriages; some to the point of divorce (Matthew 5:32). If you have been hurt by your husband’s sexual sins, know that Jesus can heal your heart (please read one of my previous post). If you are broken because you have committed a sexual sin, know that today you must repent by faith in Jesus and surrender your ways to His ways as Lord of your life. Jesus is sufficient to redeem you to God (Isaiah 1:18; 1 John 1:9). If sexual sins have tore your marriage apart, there is power in the gospel of Jesus to restore your marriage as you both rest on God’s mercy and grace and redemption. In all these cases, please reach out to your pastor or church leader for counseling. There is hope and unending grace in Jesus Christ.