Redeemed Woman

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

Parenting my six children have opened my eyes to the complexity and necessity of wise disciplining, which includes the use of physical discipline. Every child is unique and require different ways of training. As parents, we do our best to train our children by being examples and teaching with our words. One child may require a one-time warning to stop disobedient behaviors; however, another may require some “reinforcements”. Disciplining is a practice that has challenged my own mind and heart as I strive to maintain healthy mother-child relationships with my six children while also working out my salvation evidenced by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Philippians 2:12-13; Galatians 5:22-23).

Physically disciplining my children is my least favorite thing to do. I am so grateful that God’s Word is not silent on this matter, and actually gives us so much wisdom on utilizing physical discipline when needed. In this post, I will share with you my meditations on a few of those verses.

Proverbs 22:15, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”

Folly is a lack of good sense or understanding. A person full of folly is a person who is careless and foolish. In the Bible, foolishness is often described as sinful behaviors or wickedness (Psalm 53:1; Psalm 107:17; Proverbs 13:19; Proverbs 14:16) . In other words, folly and sin are closely intertwined. The “rod of discipline” mentioned here in reference to other Bible verses likely means a literal rod used for physical disciplining (Proverbs 10:13; Proverbs 14:3; Proverbs 23:13).

Now, note that this folly is bound up in the heart of a child. In other words, this folly is deeply immersed or resides in the heart. Folly living in the hearts of our children is a serious thing as it has a way to consume and dictate their behaviors if not restrained (Proverbs 29:15). Disobedient behaviors are the manifestations of a child’s heart. When our children lack understanding and folly overtakes them through repeated acts of disobedience, the rod of discipline is necessary (Proverbs 20:30; Proverbs 13:24)

The Word of God says that this rod of discipline will drive folly far from the hearts of our children. This verse doesn’t explicitly state how physical discipline drives away the folly from inside a child’s heart, but I get the notion that we are to be concern about what is in their hearts. When we have to use physical discipline, our intention is to teach our children right from wrong, good from evil, and the consequences of folly. If we use physical discipline as an outlet for our own anger or frustrations, we need to step away and get our own hearts in the right place.

Proverbs 23:13-14, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.”

Physical discipline is not meant to end life. It is meant to teach and train and guide, not to condemn. It is meant to point the child to the value and goodness of right living, not to bring utter despair and hopelessness. The momentary pain experienced from physical discipline can save the child from his or her foolish ways. Careless ways can easily lead one to harm. Foolish ways will lead one to sin. As parents we need to do our best to address careless ways, harmful ways, foolish ways, and sinful ways and stop them in their tracks.

Instead of death, this rod of discipline brings life as it “will save his soul from Sheol”. We must tread carefully here as these verses do not mean that we can eternally save our children; the Bible makes it clear that only Jesus can save anyone from hell. In context, this phrase “save his soul from Sheol” means the parent will save the child from physical harm leading to death. If left alone, this foolish child with his or her foolish ways can easily walk right into death traps.

Proverbs 13:24, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
    but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”

Here is the shocking contrast between a parent who loves a child and a parent who hates a child according to God. To not discipline a child with the rod when necessary is to withhold parental love as defined by God’s Word. A parent who is diligent to discipline a child, using the rod of discipline when necessary, is a parent who loves that child. To be diligent is to thoroughly discipline with intentionality. It is persistent in teaching what is right and good; not void of instruction and reproof and reasoning (Proverbs 29:15).

The author of Hebrews gives us another view of this verse in light of God’s discipline towards us. God, our Father, has given to us His commandments, His Word. He has given us His Holy Spirit. We can be sure to experience His rod of discipline when we allow foolishness to reign in our hearts. Hebrews 12:7-8 states that where there is a lack of discipline, there is a lack of legitimate sonship.

Conclusion

One of the biggest fear expressed from mothers is that physically disciplining their children may traumatize or cause harm to them, whether physically or emotionally. I can understand that real concern. Perhaps many of us have endured physical abuse as children. Let me be clear that I do not condone the physical abuse of anyone. We have all heard of one too many stories where “physical discipline” went too far and turned evil. Parents indeed are prone to sin. Even our good parental intentions are tainted with selfishness at times if we are truly honest with ourselves. Parents must allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify us through His Word in this very important task of disciplining our children.

I have caught myself many, many times in the act of disciplining where my heart was not in the right place. Physical discipline should not be exercised while we are angry, hungry, or tired. I find that at those moments, I am seeking to satisfy myself rather than giving my children the discipline that pleases the Lord. Another good rule is to ask ourselves, “will this matter tomorrow?” This helps to dissipate my own frustrations and helps me to be more patient and wiser in picking my battles. One more good rule is that husband and wife must keep each other accountable and step in when physical discipline goes too far. This will take serious conversations, humbleness, and lots of praying together for each other and for your children. From my own experience, the more children, the more problems, the more prayers are needed.

God definitely took rebellion against parents quite seriously. “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” Rebellion had severe consequences and was in direct violation of the fifth commandment (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 21:18-21). This kind of evil does not have a place within His holy, chosen people (see reference verse 1 Corinthians 5:5). Under the New Covenant in Christ Jesus, the Apostle Paul urged believing children to obey their parents out of reverence for Christ, and because they are now children of light who understand what pleases the Lord, live wisely, and filled with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:8-10, 15-21; Ephesians 6:1). In the same way, believing parents are not to abuse their authority but discipline and instruct their children to respect and obey the commandments of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4; Hebrews 12:11). We need God’s wisdom to do this – especially as our children grow older.

Father, we need Your wisdom on how we must discipline our children. Please help us through Your Spirit to discipline our children in ways that will please You. May our children see Your love through us and turn from their wicked ways. Give us the wisdom to teach our kids the fear of the Lord. Do Your work in their hearts – and ours. Open our eyes to Your ways and lift our burdens!